


In which Holden and Jer have the conversation they would have had if Holden wasn't such a self-obsessed, entitled bastard

by Mexta



Category: The Slave Breakers - maculategiraffe (on LiveJournal)
Genre: M/M, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-07
Updated: 2011-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mexta/pseuds/Mexta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All characters, settings, etc. are the property of their creator. My appreciation to maculategiraffe for allowing us to play with her creations.</p>
    </blockquote>





	In which Holden and Jer have the conversation they would have had if Holden wasn't such a self-obsessed, entitled bastard

**Author's Note:**

> All characters, settings, etc. are the property of their creator. My appreciation to maculategiraffe for allowing us to play with her creations.

Holden was waiting at the front door as Jer came in with Alix.

"Jer!" Too giddy to resist, he threw his arms around Jer and kissed his mouth, hard. It was only when he pulled away that he saw Jer's face.

It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other in the past few years – a handful of times, at least, with Argounov – and Jer looked more or less as he had when Holden last saw him.

Except for his expression, which was flat, closed off, distant. Holden stopped and looked more closely. _Confused, and trying not to show it_ , he thought.

"Argounov didn't tell him _anything_ ," Alix said, coming in behind Jer. "That asshole."

"Gods, Jer, you must be wondering what in the worlds is going on." Holden took Jer by his unresisting hand and led him inside. "Did you tell him, Alix?"

Jer answered before she could. "I know what's going on. You bought me. Master."

Alix rolled her eyes a little at Holden, from behind Jer, as she followed them into the lounge. "He didn't ... want to hear _anything_ from me." She unbuttoned her coat, went out to the hall, then came back and paused in the doorway. "Can I get you anything, Jer? Tea, coffee? A drink?"

Jer looked at her blankly, and then at Holden, who was still holding his hand but had now stopped beside the couch. "No. Thank you, mistress."

Alix gave Holden another look. "Well, I'll leave you boys then." Abruptly, she took a couple of steps into the room, put her hands on both side of Jer's face, and kissed his cheek. "We're so happy, Jer."

She didn't see Jer's fleeting look – bitter, enraged, disbelieving – as she turned, but Holden did, and he flinched instinctively, catching his breath.

"Jer – " Holden said, and Jer turned to him, his face impassive again. Holden let go his hand and stood helplessly as Alix went out. This was going to be _hard_ , he thought. Why hadn't he prepared himself better?

When they were alone, Holden took a long breath and gestured vaguely towards the couch. "Sit down – please."

With a quick glance at Holden, as though this were a trick that he wasn't stupid enough to fall for, Jer dropped to his knees in front of the sofa and waited.

"Oh, come on – " Holden almost let his frustration show, before he bit back his words. "Please stop that."

"Stop what, master?" Jer turned his expressionless face up to Holden.

"Just – just sit on the couch, Jer."

Jer snorted. "Since when are slaves allowed on the furniture?"

"Just do it!" Holden realized suddenly that Jer wasn't trying to be annoying. Wasn't _just_ trying to be annoying. He remembered the early days after he was freed – how physically difficult it was for him to do things a slave would be punished for. How hard to repress the irrational fear that somehow everything would be reversed, he would find himself a slave again, and every single thing he had done wrong during this period would be held against him.

And Jer wasn't even free. Yet.

He took another breath and spoke more calmly. "I'm asking you. Please."

"You don't need to _ask_ me. You _own_ me. That means I do whatever you say. Master."

"Jer! _I had no_ – Okay. Stay there if you want. Do whatever you want. I deserve this, I know."

Jer barked a small laugh. "Deserve it? Oh – I know you don't deserve it. You were just lucky. _Really, really_ lucky. No, I don't hold it against you. Honest. And now you've come back to rescue me. Thank you so much, master. It only took you twenty years."

"Fucking hell, Jer!" This time Holden couldn't restrain his anger. "We've been through this a hundred times! You know I – _we_ , we did everything. We tried to buy you, we fucking begged Argounov, we bargained, we threatened, Alix even – "

Jer's bitterness drained away abruptly, leaving him pale and distant again. "I know. I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. Or – or respectful. You did everything you could. And I" -- a muscle in his cheek twitched once – "am grateful. To you. For buying me. Thank you, master."

Holden felt his stomach turn, bile invading his throat. "Okay," he repeated, sitting down in the chair across from Jer, carefully. "So … just let me say my piece and then you can – can be rid of me."

"I don't want to – "

"It's okay." Holden gave him a quick, surprised look. It had almost sounded like Jer meant that. For a second Holden wondered if that would ever be true. Then he forced himself to focus again. He owed it to Jer to get it all out. "Just listen. Argounov finally let me buy you. But I was afraid to tell him – you know what he's like, totally irrational at times. I was afraid to say anything about freeing you just in case that – in case he took some objection to it and changed his mind. I'm sorry. I was – desperate to get you out of there. But as _soon_ – " Holden took a breath – "Just as soon as the grace period is over – when I'm positive he can't do anything about it – _of course_ , Jer, _of course_ we're freeing you. I – You can't possibly believe we'd do anything else. Or maybe you could. I don't blame you for hating me – for thinking the worst of me. But I swear to the Ash. We've already been to the lawyer. It's fourteen days – Argounov could still – but as soon as that's over, everything's ready. I promise."

Jer stared up at him, and Holden thought the shock on his face was the first real thing he'd seen since Jer had arrived. Forgetting the rest of his speech, Holden slipped down from the chair and landed on his knees beside Jer.

"And afterwards – gods, Jer, I _hope_ you'll stay with us – I'd do anything to – I'd be so happy if you would. But I know it's up to you. Whatever you want. We'll give you anything you need. I don't – I know I can't pay you back for the last twenty years. Twenty-three years since you first saved my life. I can't repay you for all that. But whatever we can do from now on … it's yours."

Holden's hands had slipped in to Jer's, which were resting limply on the top of his thighs, and Holden tried to look up into his face, now turned down to the ground. "Jer?"

There was no sound or sign. Holden waited, listening, then looked at Jer's chest, which didn't move. Holden almost panicked. "Jer!"

Jer let out a sudden, strangled breath. He lifted his hands towards his face without seeming to notice Holden was holding them. When he realized, he shook Holden's hands away. "You're making me leave?" he said hoarsely.

"No! I don't – I don't _ever_ want you to leave. But you'll be a free man, Jer. You can go wherever you want. Do whatever you want."

"Holden, you moron, I've been a sex slave my whole life. What am I going to do at forty-one? Start a career?"

Holden sat back on his heels. "That's why I said we'd support you. If that's what you want. Even if you don't live with us."

"It's because of my age, isn't it? And my looks. I'd – bring down the aesthetic standards for your whole house."

Holden literally had to bite down on his tongue. "You're gorgeous*," he said after a second. "Your home will always be with us if you want it."

Nothing he said seemed to make Jer any less angry. "So I can watch you choose a new specimen from your harem of prettyboys every night?"

"Only if _you're_ not interested," Holden shot back. Well, his patience was finite.

Jer gave him an almost triumphant look. "So you _do_ just want another sex slave."

"Jer, you'll be _free_. You can say yes or no."

And then Jer turned away, and the words stopped abruptly, and Holden started to say something – started to reach toward him – and finally just stayed where he was, waiting.

When Jer finally spoke again his voice had changed; there was something in it like hunger or need. "And if I say yes?"

Holden held his breath for a moment before he answered, afraid suddenly – terribly afraid that he'd say the wrong words and lose the thing he wanted most, forever. "Then … I'll be happier than I ever thought I could be. I'm yours, Jer.** If you want me."

"I'm … well past my prime, you know."

"You're forty-one – just like me. With luck we've got about forty more years to make up for lost time.**" Jer turned back toward him slowly, just as Holden caught himself. "Or to get you started in that new career," he amended guiltily. "You could, you know. But – but you don't have to figure that out now. You don't need to decide anything until you're ready. Anyway … you must be exhausted."

Jer yawned suddenly, and laughed – an easy spontaneous laugh. "Yeah. I am, actually."

 _It's the adrenaline drop_ , Holden told himself. He thought of everything Jer had been through that day – the stress, the shock, the total change in everything he thought he knew about his life. Jer would finish his day in completely different circumstances than he had woken up in. Holden had had a day like that once. It took a lot out of you, he remembered.

He stood up, holding out his hand. "Let me show you your bedroom."

"Oh, slaves rate bedrooms here, do they?" Jer growled, but he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"Yes. Not that you're a slave in this house." Holden led the way, using the excuse to keep hold of Jer's hand. "But, um," he added nervously, after a minute. "Would you mind – do you think I could just ask you to … keep up appearances for a few days? Just for proprietary. Until we can be open about it." He hoped Jer wouldn't be offended, but he was a bit worried about what it would do to his business if certain clients saw a slave using the kind of language with him that he anticipated from Jer.

Jer seemed more relaxed now, or maybe it was just sleepiness and the prospect of a soft bed in front of him. "OK," he said agreeably. "I can behave appropriately. _Master_ ," he added sardonically, but this time Holden thought the disdain was for the title, not for himself.

"Thanks," he said with relief, stopping at the door of Jer's room. "Here. Alix and Greta spent all week decorating it. Please don't tear it apart for a couple of days."

He let go of Jer's hand and waited for him to go in. But Jer hesitated there, hand on the doorknob, not moving.

"Where will you be?"

"Oh." Holden chided himself mentally. "I'm just down there. Second door on the right, me and Alix. Come by any time. We'd like that."

Jer still didn't move. "No," he said after a moment. "Where will you _be_?"

And then Holden got it. He finally, really got it. "I'll be," he said, and had to take another breath before he could finish. "Wherever you want me to."

 

 

\--------  
* See [Jer's first night at Holden's](http://maculategiraffe.livejournal.com/31599.html)  
**See [Jer and Holden talk some things out](http://maculategiraffe.livejournal.com/47336.html#cutid1)


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